I'm a mom of three littles, ages nine, seven and five. They are the hardest, most amazing blessings in my life. Some days I feel like I can give myself a high five for my SuperMom skills. Other days I want to crawl in a hole and pray for someone, anyone else, to take over. Right now, one of the hardest things to navigate is their relationships with other kids. What do you do when your child's heart hurts because of rejection? So. Hard.
I was having a heart to heart with my nine year old daughter tonight. Sophia has one of the sweetest hearts I've ever encountered. She genuinely cares about people's feelings. She loves to make friends and for everyone to get along. God saw fit to give her to me: a compassion-hearted, non confrontational, "can't we all get along" kinda momma. It's not been easy to teach her how to navigate the waters of loving people and loving yourself; valuing people and valuing yourself. So, when one of her playmates says to her, "I'm playing with so-and-so right now and we don't want to play with you," or another says, "My mom says I can't play with you," and she comes to me in tears, my momma heart goes into battle mode. The momma bear part of me wants to smack those people upside the head for hurting my girl's heart. The more sane part of me realizes that this is one of those opportunities to speak some wisdom that will help to mold her little heart for the future.
Tonight, we talked about the importance of thankfulness. I assured her that, although she doesn't always get it right (because who does), she is an amazing friend. I reminded her that she has a beautiful heart that wants to bring people together, but that sometimes people choose to separate themselves and it's hard to understand the why behind their choices. I explained to her that it's their loss. They are missing out on her friendship. And I know that she feels like she's missing out as well but there's one thing that can help heal the hurt and bring the happiness back and that's thankfulness. I encouraged her to be thankful for all the many friends that she has in her life, for the few that she has common interests with, for the ones who love her. Be thankful.
I explained to my baby girl that, unfortunately, even when she's an adult people will choose to separate themselves. I reminded her of a very close friend who, just a few years ago, decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore. To this day, I still don't know why. She very abruptly left my life and the hurt was just so hard to get through. I still cry sometimes. But that was her choice and I refuse to take responsibility for her choice. I still love her and continue to pray for reconciliation but guess what got me through the grieving? You got it: thankfulness. God placed a new friend in my life. At first, I had no clue how important she would become to me, but as I focused on my thankfulness for her, our bond became even stronger.
There is power in focusing on what is right in your life instead of focusing on what is wrong. Don't hear what I'm not saying. I understand that there is a time for grieving. Of course, there is. But thankfulness is what will carry you through it. I also understand the seriousness of clinical depression. I have lived through depression. I have lived through being ready to end it all. I do not take those things lightly. Thankfulness is a powerful offensive weapon in the face of depression.
Thankfulness, for me, has become so much easier since I've understood the grace of God and have believed in His unconditional love for me. The more I focused on the fact that He is focused on the good in me, the more I began to see it as well. I found myself unconsciously speaking thankfulness in spite of circumstances. For example, I used to compare my possessions to what others had and it made me feel like I was missing out. All I could see was lack. I am now constantly thanking God for blessings that I have that might seem insignificant to some, like my bed, my kitchen, my washer and dryer, my van, my piles of laundry. Are any of those things the absolute best quality? Nope. Do I care anymore? Nope. I'm highly aware that, compared to much of the world, I am a wealthy person. I'm also highly aware that things and even people are not the source of my joy. God is the source of my joy. I do not have to have the latest and greatest to be happy. I'm thankful for what I have and, I believe, that opens my heart to receive even more. Thankfulness also helps me to have "open hands" when it comes to money and possessions. It frees me to give as well as receive.
Tonight, as I sat on Sophia's bed, before we said our nightly prayers, I was honored to encourage her and myself to focus on the good; the good in life, the good in others, the good in herself.
I would encourage you to challenge yourself to change your focus to thankfulness. Is the traffic bad? Thank God that you have a car. Are your dishes piling up? Thank God that you had food to put on those dishes. When you begin with the small things, the bigger things become easier.
What are some good things that you can focus on today? What are you thankful for?
